Courage to be disliked

This book is formatted as conversation between a philosopher and a youth.

Deny trauma: Past events don't determine who you are. Past events do have strong influence but we determine our own life by the meaning we give to those past experiences. Our life is something we choose yourself and we are the only ones who can decides how to live it.

Past events are ways people use to justify their current circumstances. It lets us believe that our life is not something we choose for ourself but already determined by our environment. When one tries to change, no one can predict what happen and have any idea how to deal with events as they arise. It is hard to see in the future and life will be filled with anxiety. A more painful life might lie ahead. People just lack courage.

Life is complicated because we make it. We use reasoning like "If only such were the case" i could change or attain something, which we use as excuse for not changing. It's simply scary to take step forward and you don't want to make realistic efforts. You don't want to change so much that you'd be willing to sacrifice the pleasures you enjoy now, like the time you spend playing and engaged in hobby. You're not equipped with courage to change your lifestyle.

No matter what has happened in your life shouldn't have no bearing at all on how you live form now on. That you, living in the here and now is the one who determines your life.

Separation of tasks. One must be able to separate task. One must only focus on their task and not intrude on others task and not let other intrude on our own tasks. All you can do with regard to your own life is choose the best path you believe in. What kind of judgment do other people pass on that choice is task of other people and you can't do anything about it. You are worried about other people looking at you. You are worried about being judged by other people. That is why you are constantly craving recognition from others. This is caused by not separating tasks. You assume that even things that should be other people's task are your own. What other people think when they see your face is the task of other people and not something you have control over.

Desire for recognition is an unfree way to live. To lives one life trying to gauge other people's feeling and being worried about how they look at you. To live in such a way is to say that you don't want to be disliked by anyone. Freedom is being disliked by other people. This doesn't mean you go out of your way to make other people dislike you. But to live your life authentically according to your own principles and decisions even if people dislike or criticize you.

The courage to be happy includes the courage to be disliked.

You hold the card in interpersonal relationship. When one is tied to desire for recognition the interpersonal relationship card will always stay in the hand of another person.

One must see relationship as horizontal and not vertical. When you see relationship as vertical, you see someone as your superior or inferior

Community feeling is the ultimate foundation of happiness. You are not the center of the world and the "I" is never more than a member of community. In order to develop community feeling. One must have:

• Self acceptance: Accept yourself exactly as you are, including your flaws and limitations.
• Confidence in others: Trust people unconditionally. See other people as comrades.
• Contribution to others: It is the feeling of "I am of use to someone". It doesn't matter if contribution is visible. It is enough to have subjective sense of being of use.

When one sees life as a kind of a big story, it becomes all about where and when i was born, what my school and my job. And that decides who i am now and what i will become. My life is such and such so i have no choice but to live this way.

The greatest life lie is to not live here and now. It is to look at past and future, cast a dim light on one's entire life and believe that one has been able to see something. Cast away the life-lie and fearlessly shine a bright spotlight on here and now. Since neither the past nor the future exists. It's not yesterday or tomorrow that decides life. It's here and now.

You set objectives for distant future and think of now as your preparatory period. You think, i really want to do this and i'll do it when the time comes. This is a way of living that postpones life.

If "I" change, the world will change. This means that the world can be changed only by me and no one else will change it for me.

In Adler words: "Someone has to start. Other people might not be cooperative, but that is not connected to you. My advice is this: You should start. With no regard to whether others are cooperative or not.